Friday, November 18, 2011

Battle of the Mustaches: Crosby vs. The Nuge'

David Crosby is in the Rock Hall. Twice. As a Byrd, and as a member of CSNY.

Ted Nugent is not in the Rock Hall. Given voters' penchant to induct everyone from the Classic Rock era, we find this surprising. But surprising in a good way.

Nuge' has the album sales, and the ticket sales, and he can play a mean guitar.
But the fact that his music is the equivalent of raccoon flatulence, and because of his nutty gun crap, and that rock band show he was on with the Skid Row dude and Jon Bonham's son, all adds up to no Rock Hall for Ted.

He did, however, sport a sick mustache during the pinnacle of his career.

So we here at CDNR say that if Nuge' can beat Crosby in a Mustache-Off, he's in. Let's get to it:

Peak 'stache:
Crosby's appears to be dirtier than Nugent's, and given that Dave was known to ingest substances and possibly lie dormant for days, it probably was. But Nuge' was (is?) known to get around, so who knows what kind of fungi lurks beneath them hairs. Slight edge: Nugent.

Animal equivalent:

Not sure I really want/need to say anything here. Edge: Crosby.

Sans 'stache:
 Nugent is better known without the lip fuzz, whether it's ripped Stadium Ted or Old D-Bag Flavor Saver Ted. Somehow Crosby looks 5 million times better without the 'stache during his early Byrds era. Which begs the question, why didn't he just go without that ugly ass thing? Big edge: Crosby.

Other uses: 

At any given moment, Crosby's mustache could be turned into a human blowtorch. You can make a whole face out of Ted's, with the mustache as the hair.

Edge: Nugent

Old man 'stache:

Crosby's is still fuzzy after all these years. Ted makes no attempt to recapture his "Cat Scratch Fever"-era glory.

Game, set and match: Crosby.

Sorry Ted, you still can't come in.

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