Rock Hall 2014: Got it right for once

Who cares if Paul Stanley's face looked like an ice cream cone that half-melted, then was frozen, then half-melted again. Who cares if Peter Criss looked like a cleaned-up Phil Spector. Who cares if Ace Frehley resembled a bloated Kenny Rogers. Who cares if Gene Simmons appeared to have come straight from his audition for a "Planet of the Apes" sequel.

Kiss was finally in, and the induction was shown in all its glory on HBO's recently released telecast of the ceremony. If Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Bill Haley, etc. invented Rock and Roll, Kiss pumped it with steroids and ensured it would go on to have a Barry Bonds-like career for the ages (well, something like that).

The best part of all came when Stanley said exactly what we've been saying for almost four years now: Let the people vote and take control out of the hands of lame-ass old shits like Jann Wenner and his crusty cronies.

The other best part was Tom Morello's amazeballs induction speech. Which was the exact opposite of Michael Stipe's.

More justice was served by the induction of Hall & Oates. Seriously, these guys dominated the radio for a decade with pop tunes that people will be singing until the world ends. Nope, no way that's Hall worthy. Gotta make sure we get Red Hot Chili Peppers in there first, because they made 50 RS covers. Gotta make sure Donovan gets in there because Wenner beats it to his tunes incessantly.

You could quibble a little with some of the things that went down with H&O's induction. Like Questlove's puzzling induction speech. And Oates' bizarre forehead-framing hairstyle. And the fact that freaking G.E. Smith was not included in the performance portion (at least not the ones televised on HBO).

Without G.E., it just ain't Hall & Oates.

But hey, they're in, so it's all good.

Oh yeah, and I almost forgot: A little band called Nirvana got in. They're overrated as one of the greatest bands of all time (they're not), they're underrated as hack ripoffs of the Pixies and Husker Du (they're not, well, they are a little bit), and they are properly rated as a Hall of Fame band. Most encouraging of all was the revelation that Dave Grohl does still possess a rock soul, as he played a part in one of the coolest Rock Hall performances of all time: Joan Jett, Kim Gordon, St. Vincent and Lorde fronting in place of Kurt Cobain. I mean, wow. You HAVE to watch all four performances.

Can't say that Peter Gabriel or Cat Stevens getting in really matters either way. Gabriel got in with Genesis, skipped the ceremony, so eff him, he blew his chance. He does not have a Hall of Fame career. Cat Stevens: Eh.

And so, on to 2015, where we push for the Pixies and The Replacements and try once again to stop Green Day. It won't be easy.

Rock Hall game: Better than coal?

Who got inducted when and how many hits did this band have and who performed to honor that lady are likely among the more than 1,700 questions and 87 cards players will see in the The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Trivia Board Game, one of many frivolous items currently being peddled at the Hall's website.

Questions most likely not asked in this product nudged somewhere between socks and Arby's gift cards on most people's Christmas list:

- Who is the biggest douche ever to be inducted? (Answer: Jackson Browne, 2004)

- How the hell are two of the biggest and best rock and roll bands of all time - Cheap Trick and Kiss - not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? (Answer: Rock Hall voters have no testicles)

Big Daddy Donahue scares yet another child.

- Who has the best beard in RNR HoF history? (Answer: deejay Tom "Big Daddy" Donahue) 

- When will this irrelevant pile of rubble move someplace where something significant in rock actually happened (and not just to some town that had a revitalization project going on and outbid everyone else) and transform into a mighty fortress honoring the best of the best as judged by people with actual taste in music and knowledge of things that didn't happen before 1975? (Answer: When Jann Wenner finally hears Guided By Voices or The Replacements and discovers Rock and Roll).

Something like this should be shown to Jann  and the other clueless 500 Rock Hall voters, "Clockwork Orange" style. Maybe they'd grow a set.

You could navigate your way to the Rock Hall website and waste $29.99 on this pile of garbage, only it's somehow out of stock, likely gobbled up by "music aficionados" everywhere. No wonder music sucks so bad.