Rock Hall ruminations: Steve Jones is Our Hero

Steve Jones, right, earns a Gold Medal for his efforts in the War on the Hall.

Yes, we've looked ahead to the potential Class of 2013, but despite what Boston said, it can't hurt to look back. Especially if it's someone else doing the looking.

Henceforth, here's three reactions to this year's inductions that we discovered this week, ranging from awesome to about as puzzling as "John From Cincinnati."

1) WAR blasts the induction of The Beastie Boys, courtesy of TMZ. That's right, this WAR. The WAR with this guy in it. Here's what founding member Howard Scott told the site:

"How could the Beastie Boys get in before us when they sampled 

War's music on their first album?! I'll eat their platinum records!" 

Tobolowsky's greatest role: Ned Ryerson in "Groundhog Day."

So basically, Scott is saying that WAR should get in because the Beastie Boys sampled them on "Slow Ride." (Even though "Slow Ride" is a better song, but whatever). Or because WAR came before the Beastie Boys. But that's like Stephen Tobolowsky complaining that he should have gotten an Oscar before Javier Bardem just because the erstwhile Ned Ryerson did his first movie in 1976, 31 years before "No Country For Old Men." Yeah, they're both actors, but Tobolowsky is one of "those guys" who usually fills goofy, off-kilter parts while Bardem takes on serious, often creepy roles.

2) While pontificating on a theoretical Guns 'N' Roses reunion that will never happen, singer Axl Rose essentially told the Los Angeles Times that if Duff and Slash would do it, that would count as a real-deal GNR reformation, and that guitarist Izzy Stradlin and original drummer Steven Adler are not necessary ingredients. Via www.antimusic.com:

Izzy not essential to GNR? Whaaat?

"Because, really, you can get guys from the ['Use Your Illusion'] thing, but the only thing that would make it would be Duff [McKagan] and Slash, really. It's nothing against Izzy [Stradlin] and it's nothing against Steven [Adler], or anything like that."
 

Uh, what? That's like Frank Black leaving Kim Deal out of a Pixies reunion and calling it legit. Or d*ckhead Sting reuniting The Police without d*ckhead drummer Stuart Copeland. Or R.E.M. calling themselves R.E.M. without drummer Bill Berry. Wait, uh ... 

3) Sex Pistols guitarist Steve Jones arbitrarily decided to come out and endorse Johnny Rotten's decision to lead the band into a snub of the Hall when they were inducted in 2006, and used it as bait to lure Contact Music into an interview in which he absolutely annihilated The Hall. Steve, if you're out there, we want you to write for Cleveland Does Not Rock. (side note: In the photo on the site you'll note that Contact Music apparently has confused this Steve Jones with the Sex Pistol Steve Jones. Oopsers). Anyway, Jones said this:

"Each year it (induction ceremony) gets lamer and lamer. A bunch of old f**ks kissing each other's a**, stroking each other. It's got nothing to do with rock 'n' roll whatsoever."

God love ya, Steve.

Make love, not War

Does anyone really like War?

And I'm not talking about the Iraq War, the War in Afghanistan, World War I, the Bohemian War or the Honey War that almost broke out between Iowa and Missouri in the 1930s.


I'm talking about War. Eric Burdon War. Eric Burdon-less War. "Spill The Wine" War. "Lowrider" War.  The ironic "Why Can't We Be Friends" War.

The same War that's up for induction in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year.

We've seen this before: A band that only had a few hits or memorable songs gets nominated and even inducted into the Hall.

But have we seen this before? A band that has only three tunes, and all three are absolutely horrific? And all three have been featured in 7.4 million movies since their release?

"Spill The Wine," which reached No. 3 on the Billboard charts, wields a repetitive Burdon-sung refrain that's not unlike the ball in "Phantasm" ripping through my brain.

The instrumental "Lowrider" makes me think of stale reefer, New York streets that smell like hotdog water and everything that was wrong and ugly about the '70s. In other words, a window into the world of the guy in Three Dog Night's "Mama Told Me Not To Come," only worse. If Burdon sang on this song it would murder anyone who listened.

Did you know? Chuck Negron's
'stache knows how to play "Lowrider."

If "Why Can't We Be Friends" was made for and only used in 10 second doses for commercials, it'd be fine. As a full song, it's another skull-stabbing loop of poop.

As often as possible, this blog and many others like it testify to the idea that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is a sham. If War is inducted this year or any year really (not to mention that Burdon the turd will be in the Rock Hall TWICE), that idea will become fact and all anti-Rock Hall blogs will become moot.

Oh, and I'll give up listening to and/or playing music, and will eat all of my CDs, tapes, records, guitars and other instruments, and my head will explode.