Most underrated moments in Music Video History, Vol. 3: I love rock and roll, so eff off

A little birdie.

Most people know Joan Jett’s vintage 1981 single and video "I Love Rock and Roll" as one of the early heavy rotation clips in MTV history.

Most people also probably know Britney Spears delivered a version of the tune in 2002, and while the single is pretty lame, the video ain't too shabby. 

And geeks everywhere will remember Weird Al Yankovic's amazing parody in 1983, during his wheelhouse era.

But not too many people know that the tune is actually a cover of the song that was originally recorded and released by the band Arrows in 1975 - and, as you might have guessed, that version of the song is far lamer than Jett's cover (and a lot creepier, written and sung from a dude's perspective).

And we here at Cleveland Does Not Rock are betting that almost no one ever noticed that Joan flips the bird in this gritty clip watched by bazillions of little kids throughout the ’80s, entering it as Vol. 3 in our vault of Underrated Moments in Music Video History.

By the way, what the hell is up with this guy?

No wonder scientists in Peru recently discovered that the middle fingers of both males and females between the ages of 35 and 45 are .8 inches longer than those outside that range (I completely made that up but it might be true.

I happened upon this moment, which occurs around 1:23, while “researching” old ‘80s clips during a DVR-ed chunk of VH1 Classic (You’ll notice, however, that this video was taken from MTV2, which I think now houses a continuous loop of the show “I Am 16 and I Have Babies And You Love Watching This Show To Feel Better About Yourself”). Maybe I noticed it now, as an adult, because I'm aware of the fact that Jett, as of the recording of that video, had already cemented her status as a badass during her time in The Runaways.

Still swarthy after all these years.

Not only does this moment make me love this song 50 times more, it also makes me hate Faith Hill’s awful bastardization of Jett’s 1988 hit, “I Hate Myself For Loving You,” which is used as the theme for “Sunday Night Football,” featuring the equally awful bastardization of sports announcing known as Al Michaels.

Much fun: During the chorus of “I Hate Myself,” start singing some variation of the rotating “SNF” theme. 

And, now, we present the full-length video of the most incredible "I Love Rock and Roll:

HoF 2012: The doors are almost open

Last year, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced its inductees at 10:30 a.m. on Wednesday, Dec. 15.

That means this year's announcement can't be that far away, even though the Hall and its voters are holding an induction date close to their slimy vests.

One way to get a good read on who's getting in and who isn't is to look at who's been saying what, and who's been saying nothing. After ripping the Hall for years, Joan Jett has gone silent. The Heart sisters have been appearing there regularly while also staying mum on the subject.

Not even "Light of Day" can stop Jett from flying into the Hall.

Those who want to get in know that speaking out can be harmful - David Bowie smoked the Hall in several interviews and didn't get in until 1996, which is a sham.

This is why we're pretty sure The Cure ain't getting in, and after seeing Robert Smith get snippy with them on his website because they didn't put their drummer's name in the bio on their site, we're fairly certain he'd be OK with that.

"BORIS WILLIAMS, LOL TOLHURST AND JASON COOPER HAVE EACH BEEN THE CURE’S DRUMMER ON FOUR ALBUMS… BORIS WILLIAMS WAS IN THE BAND FOR 9 YEARS AND LOL TOLHURST FOR 11 YEARS (5 YEARS AS DRUMMER)… BUT JASON COOPER HAS BEEN DRUMMING WITH THE CURE FOR 17 YEARS, FROM 1994 TO THE PRESENT DAY… JASON COOPER IS THE CURE’S DRUMMER – AND IT SICKENS ME THAT HE DOESNT GET A NAME CHECK… BAH! RSX"


Guns 'N' Roses was already a lock, and recent comments by the typically acerbic, anti-establishment Slash poured cement and molten lava on top of the lock and put it in an Al Gore lockbox.

Whoops, wrong Slash.

"It's become very prestigious over the years, and it's become a huge honor for anybody to be inducted into it -- or even nominated, for that matter," he recently told Billboard. "It's a cool accolade, I suppose. Obviously we're in really, really great company."

He also dangled the ultimate carrot stuck, essentially saying there would be a Guns reunion if they got in.

Sir Rod Stewart took it a step further, practically begging voters to put Faces in and promising to snag Ronnie Wood and the boys and reunite with his ol' mates if they made it happen.

"If the Faces make it in, I can't think of a more befitting opportunity for the band to finally reunite and perform. I know I'd definitely be up for it."

If these guys get in, someone needs to keep an eye on Rod and Ronnie:

The Heart of the matter

Never run away. Never.

Look, I've got nothing against Heart.

In fact, I'm a huge fan of the portion of the career that would probably keep them out of the Rock Hall than get them in: The Cornball Hard Rock/ Cheese Pop '80s Heart. Ann and Nancy Wilson and their cast of goons have been trotting live performances of the alleged classic "Dreamboat Annie" around the country when they should have been scorching the earth with their self-titled 1985 nuclear bomb.

"Alone." "Never." "What About Love?" "Nothin' At All." Even freaking "These Dreams" - complete with a video where Nancy rocks out on guitar even though there are zero guitars in the soft-as-a-marshmallow hit.

I realize Hall voters will want to acknowledge their spot as early women in hard rock, and if they get in before or with Joan Jett, I won't light my head on fire like I might if, say, the Beastie Boys get in.

Still, I think voters and the world should take into evidence the fact that Heart has some of the all-time worst album covers, the kind that could place amongst the worst with this and this and this.

Here are six of Heart's stinkbomb covers:

 6. "Dog & Butterfly," 1978. I wanted to go with five to be traditional, but I also felt like at least one of Heart's drawn album covers needed to be represented. It easily could have been 1987's "Bad Animals" (which should have been called "Bad Artwork"). But this is the real steaming pile of turd. The idea meeting for the album cover concept must have included the following genius ideas: "Let's put a dog and a butterfly on the cover," and "let's get a 3 year old to draw it," and "let's get a 1 year old to scribble lines all over it," and "let's go doo-doo on the floor."

5. "Dreamboat Annie," 1976. Yes, even this amazing, flawless, influential, all-time classic (whatever) has yet another weird sister image going on that Heart became known for. Why do they appear do be naked? Why does Ann have this look of lust on her face? To quote Harry Mayes from 97.5 The Fan: "What is goin' on back there?"

4. "Heart," 1985. Even in the 1980s, people had to realize they were sporting some pretty far out fashions. Mullets. Copious amounts of hairspray. Jackets that resembled lab coats. Colors that should never go together. Yet Heart flaunted this soon-to-be-dated look on the COVER OF THEIR ALBUM. The guy on the far right looks like Adam Ant on steroids. Come on, man!

3. "Little Queen," 1977. When Marsellus Wallace told Butch that he was "going to get medieval" on a rapist cop's ass, he meant somewhere near the opposite of this. I don't know if the any of the guys in the background were in Heart at the time, but if they were they should probably go ahead and turn themselves into walking Ken dolls right about now.

2. "Desire Walks On," 1993. From the beginning of the let's-not-admit-that-they're-getting-older period. Why is half of Ann's face cut off? Why is Nancy covering one of her eyes with a rose? Why not just have the top of their heads on the cover? Why not just cover them with picnic table covers and batting helmets and call it a day?

1. "Private Audition," 1982. The album title alone could keep Heart out of the Rock Hall; it sounds like some kind of movie you tried to watch through squiggly lines on Skinemax when you were 13 (and by "you" I mean "me"). But what about the photos? What about the dude peering through the blinds? What about the lit cigar that threatens to burn the whole place down? What about the fact that the tracklist includes titles like "City's Burnin'," "Hey Darlin' Darlin'" and "Fast Times"? Without hearing a note I know I would have to be paid a lot of money to sit through this record. In fact, I'm getting sick just looking at it.

The Case Against GnR and RCHP

What I like about 2012’s list of nominees are the bands I hate: Guns ‘n’ Roses and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

By hate, I mean once loved these bands. Man, I loved them. They were once everything rock and roll embodied. Completely rad and kick ass.

I didn’t stop liking them because I became an ironic self-congratulatory hipster who liked them, then disliked them in favor of some Williamsburg suck squad making hip-pop when theramins and beards, only to restart liking them because retro is cool again again. Ha. Ha.

I stopped liking them because I’ve exhausted myself trying to find just one thing in their post-1993 catalogues that bears a semblance to rock and roll.

If both bands would have stopped in 1993, there is no question both of them would be locks.

But. They. Need. To. Stop. Making. Music.

Now.

The more new music they make now, the more disqualified they become as nominees.

Sure, you could say the same about most nominees in any given class. I counter that by saying they are just indulging themselves because they know they aren’t going platinum again.

Here’s the difference. While GnR and RCHP sharted on record several times since 1993, Joan Jett released seven compilation albums in that span – the first of which came in 1993.

You could call that a lazy way to get paid. But if I’m a Rock Hall voter, I’d consider it an acknowledgement and constant reminder of what we love about rock and roll.

Michael Anthony-G.E. Smith text exchange, 9/30/11

Michael Anthony: How are The Cure nominated for Rock Hall but not Cars? Or Boan Jett?

G.E. Smith: I know. What about Joan Jett but not Runaways.

Michael Anthony: Neither deserve, right?

G.E. Smith: Na but you can't put Jett in before Runaways. It's like putting Henley in before Eagles. Or Clapton before Cream.

Michael Anthony: Haha damn I dunno. They had one hit and more known for the shitty careers they spawned. Such as Jett.

G.E. Smith: Yea those are just examples. No way Runaways should get in but why not at least cobble together them, Jett and Lita Ford and pump the rock girl influence thing? Way better than enshrining "I Love Rock And Roll" and "Light of Day." Maybe J. Fox will induct.

Michael Anthony: Haha. Maybe Mary Tyler Moore. Yo I been up since 2. So who gets in out of those noms anyway man. All? Limp year ...

G.E. Smith: GNR. Cure nommed before Smiths? How?

Michael Anthony: Damn that's it? I think the Cure get in too man. I think they sneak in bc of the limp year. Cure had more U.S. hits.

G.E. Smith: Yea only U.S. crap counts right?

Michael Anthony: Yeah basically. Pixies would get in if UK shit mattered. They were big.

G.E. Smith: If they come up soon they will get in. If it was this year it would have been lock bc of "Nevermind" shit.

Michael Anthony: Needs to be before grunge-lite and faux alt-rockers get in. Otherwise they may be assed out. If Pixes don't get in before Green Day and Pearl Sham and Poundinmygardensnake, then they will never get in. Because industry morons will think they've satisfied the need for alt-rock.