"Poltergeist." The trailer for the nuke flick "The Day After." "Just Say No To Drugs" commercials. The Dominos Noid.
None of these things scared me as much as a kid growing up in the '80s as the video for Arthur Brown's "Fire," which they'd play on MTV far too often with no regard for time of day. The black-and-white vid is a "live" (read: lip synced) performance by Brown on "Top of the Pops" - they didn't really make videos back then, and for that I am grateful, because imagine the sick shit he would have dumped on poor innocent brains all over the world.
This is truly frightening. It makes Devo's "Peek-a-Boo" look like a Richard Marx clip. Even the old guy who yells "Science!" in Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science" would be horrified by Brown's acid-induced devil dance, complete with makeup that's Alice Cooper x5 and a crown of fire on his head.
Apparently, Pete Townshend produced a lot of this dude's early stuff, which is hailed as some kind of amazing music, although it just sounds like bullshit British psych to me. This explains a lot about the limp flower-power tuneage that Townshend was peddling at the time, stuff like the preposterously overrated "The Who Sell Out."
Seriously, never play this again on TV, never let it show up in any On Demand video lineups, take it off You Tube. Please. Before someone gets hurt.
Once the suits finish moshing to "Give It Away," doing the "Brass Monkey" and getting their rocks off to a Faces reunion led by Rod Stewart and Ronnie Wood, we'll all move on to the Class of 2013, to be announced this fall before the world presumably ends.
And perhaps as a harbinger of the End Times, it's quite possible the Hall could avoid complete flaccidity for once in its existence: Two can't-miss "cool" and legit acts - The Pixies and Public Enemy - are up for induction. These two acts are among our "12 Artists That Must Be Discussed in 2012 For Induction in 2013."Awesome title, eh?
KISS
Took makeup and pyro to another level, defined stadium rock, pulled two of the biggest and best gags in rock history by taking the makeup off and putting it back on again and, oh, wrote some amazing songs.
RUSH
Three of the best musicians ever to play rock music, plus alongside (early) Genesis and YES form the Mount Rushmore of Prog Rock.
THE PIXIES
Took what came before (Husker Du, David Bowie, Minutemen, etc.) and crystallized it into THE slick alt-rock sound that dominated the early 1990s and the loud-soft-loud dynamic that Nirvana admittedly borrowed (stole?). Several uber-successful and very lucrative reunion tours should nail down an induction.
PUBLIC ENEMY
I'm going back on my attack on the Beastie Boys and their recent induction - oh, I still don't think they should be in, but just not yet. Someday, maybe. Not yet. But since they are in, voters have now painted themselves in a corner. If the Beasties - sort of a joke act - are in, then Public Enemy, arguably the greatest and most important rap/ hip-hop acts of all time, should be in. Shit, they are one of the greatest and most important acts, period. Hear the drummer get wicked.
HEART
Shafted in the 2012 inductions after being led on by the Hall and it's limp voters all year. Put them in already.
THE RUNAWAYS
Joan Jett was another one who seemed to be led on, but really the band she was a leading force in should get in first anyway - The Runaways. The band went worldwide and foretold the Riot Grrl movement of the 1990s. They weren't just a great chick band, they were a great band period.
THE REPLACMENTS
We can dream right? They're only one of the best bands of the last 25 years, maybe even 35, with songs that defined a generation and now get passed to kids over and over again like a New Age Led Zeppelin. If Rock Hall voters had actual testicles (and proverbial ones for the females in the group), Paul Westerberg, Tommy Stinson, Bob Stinson, Christopher Mars and Slim Dunlap would be enshrined already.
CHEAP TRICK
One of the biggest bands in the world in the late 1970s and early 1980s, plus they have a mountain of amazing singles, plus they are one of the best and most important power-pop bands of all time.
THE SMITHS
The Smiths were to the 1980s as the Beatles were to the 1960s. If you live in America, you choose to ignore or forget that truth. If you lived in Britain, you know that to be a stone-cold fact. They had so many singles they put out several compilations with almost completely different lineups. Plus they were fronted by The Gay Elvis, Morrissey, i.e. one of the greatest frontmen of all-time.
HALL & OATES
Sensational songwriters and performers. If you don't love at least one H&O song you don't like music. Even freaking RAPPERS dig Hall & Oates and have sampled tunes like "One On One." Plus, The Mustache. Need I say more?
DEVO
So innovative, so influential, so f*cking weird. Mark Mothersbaugh continues to prove his genius to this day - not only did he helm wacked out tunes like "Jocko Homo" and "Peek-a-boo," but he also has been writing kids' music and scoring shows and movies for eons.
T. REX
If there's no T. Rex, there's no Bowie. There's also about 14 fewer Oasis songs, including "Cigarettes and Alcohol." Daltry namechecked the erstwhile Marc Bolan in a song ("To the sounds of old T. Rex, in "You Better You Bet"). 'Nuff said.
BONUS: GO-GOS/ THE CARS
If you're going to arbitrarily start chucking in random 1980s acts, why not start with two of the best pop bands of the decade?
Whether it was the shift to guitars on albums like "Ill Communication," the so-called "trail-blazing" efforts of these "white rappers" (thanks for the Vanilla Ice, guys) or the oh-so-socially-conscious efforts of Adam "MCA" Yauch (yes, the guy who crushed a beer can over his head in the "Fight For Your Right To Party" vid), the Rock Hall considers the Beastie Boys viable candidates for their Prestigious Palace of Ignorance.
Why?
Say what you will: They had rhymes like Abe Vigoda.
First things first: 1986's "Licensed To Ill" was a staple of my youth - the tape was one of my first and it sat nicely on my desk in a stack that also included Genesis' "Invisible Touch," Cinderella's "Night Songs" and the Huey Lewis & the News classic "Fore!"
Somehow, my parents never bothered to check in as the boys were rambling on about "skeezin' with a whore" or "gun hidin' on the go" or "ball-slapping" or drinking "def ale." No one in the house held the album's cover up to a mirror to reveal the Holy Grail for teen boys in the 1980s: "eat me" written on the side of the plane. So I went around reciting "Paul Revere" and "Posse In Effect." Ad-Rock, MCA and Mike D. were dumb kids doing dumb things, and it was awesome.
Some people call him robo.
But that's the point. The "Licensed To Ill" Era Beastie Boys are THE Beastie Boys. It lasted through "Paul's Boutique" and that was it.
It's like The Hold Steady - they'll always be 2004's "Almost Killed Me" - a campy, timeless romp that will never grow old. That's that band. Serious Craig Finn pretending to be Bruce Springsteen? That's something else, and that cannot be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
And neither can the Beastie Boys, and not because they're rappers.
It's because they're three dudes who sing silly songs and make funny videos. That's it. They never pushed the proverbial envelope, so how could the Beastie Boys be in and not Devo? They never dominated the charts, so how could the Beastie Boys be in and not the B-52s?
Mainly, it's because they're this:
And this:
And of course this:
Thankfully, according to an exhaustive examination of the 2012 nominees, the amazing Rock Hall blog Future Rock Legends determined that the Beasties won't be getting in.
And that's good. Because what would be sadder - thinking about dirt bags with 5 o'clock shadows and car pendant necklaces entering the hallowed halls, or the thought of this trio getting on stage, right now, to perform "No Sleep Til Brooklyn," "Intergalactic," "Hey Ladies" or "So Whatcha Want"?
