The Cleveland Plain Dealer is reporting that the Rock Hall has plans for a Walk of Fame that boasts names of inductees on bronze plaques all over the sidewalks of downtown Cleveland.
The first 17 plaques will be unsheathed on April 4, 10 days before the next Sh*tFest of Rock History, otherwise known as the annual Rock Hall Induction Ceremony.
Most certainly these plaques will bear the names of as many worthy choices (Beatles, Dylan, the bitchin' Chuck Berry, etc) as they will complete farces who are already in the Hall (The Band, cornball Jackson Browne, Madonna, the billions of '60s bands who were rubber-stamped in).
In other words, we see each of these brownish plaques as $5,000 pieces of turd. Better bring a pooper-scooper next time you're in Cleveland.
If Janis Joplin is in, then Whitney Houston should be in.
If Patti Smith is in, then Whitney Houston should be in.
If Madonna is in, then Whitney Houston should be in.
All three were/are supremely talented.
Joplin had her raspy, otherworldly booze-and-smokes laced voice and incredible stage presence. Smith wrote poetic lyrics that blew her fans' minds for some reason I can't understand. Madonna was an above-average singer who could dance and put on an amazing show, as well as David Bowie’s female counterpart as the all-time best pop star chameleon.
Only Madonna could match Houston in the great tunes category, and in the voice department Whitney blows all three away.
Look, there’s a lot of hyperbole going on right now in the wake of Houston’s death - "best female singer ever," "best pop star of the ’80s," "one of the greatest artists of all time."
Big Shot Bob had the magic.
Let’s give credit where credit is due without going overboard: Whitney Houston is one of the greatest female singers and pop stars of the last 30 years.
And during her peak years, she dominated pop but had this weird dash of Robert Horry magic, always in the right place at the right time to bury the killer shot and win it all.
Filling a void in pop radio in the middle part of the decade. Slamming it out of the park at the 1988 Olympics. Rocking that “Bodyguard” tune and somehow selling us on the idea that Costner could even come close to landing a date with her. Lending "The Greatest Love of All" to the Dr. J highlight reel on that unreal NBA Superstars video.
It’s criminal that it takes her dying to make her induction so obvious and urgent. And since the Hall is apparently now in the mood to right some wrongs, it shouldn’t be too long before this happens.
In the meantime, here's CDNR's dark horse all-time favorite Whitney tune:
Despite being one of the most innovative and consistent performers for almost three decades, it took the Rock Hall brain trust 10 years to induct David Bowie.
And when they finally did it, he had to go in with overbloated, overrated old-farts Pink Floyd, the important-but-not-that-important Velvet Underground and freaking Jefferson Airplane, which bookended its career by starting off using drugs to make their only good music and finishing it off with the insipid (but enjoyable in an evil-clown-kind-of-way) vehicle Jefferson Starship, which was shortened to Starship (see below right), and then Star, and then S.
Maybe the Hall voters kept Bowie out for so long for the very reason he's a Rock Hall Hero to us: He had the gnads to criticize the joint and the process, saying music shouldn't be treated as some kind of Olympic event.
"I think it's very nice, I don't give it much thought actually," he told Rueters some time before voters finally let him in.
"I don't really think I feel anything much. I just am very anti-institution, of any nature. I don't know ... Frankly, I don't know what it means," he told MTV.
Byrne probably wanted to burn down the house.
Why we really love the Artist Formerly Known As Ziggy Stardust? When the voters offered the proverbial olive branch and enshrined him in January 1996, Bowie flipped the finger and didn't show, leaving mega-douche David Byrne to induct him and hand his trophy over to ... Madonna. Hahahaha.
She opened her pinch-hit acceptance speech with this: "Excuse me David Byrne, but it’s also how totally f*cking gorgeous David Bowie is. Thank you. This is a beautiful man."
Yipes.
Yeah, you wanna mess with David Bowie, Rock Hall? Let's Dance, futhermuckers.
