Must induct: The Smiths

Some might say inducting or even nominating The Smiths for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame would be an edgy move by the mummified folks on the selection committee in Cleveland.

Except that it isn't. Here's why:

1. The Smiths are basically The Beatles Lite of the '80s. Put away your American bias and check out the charts, from www.officialcharts.com.

First the singles:


 Now the albums:

 2. Morrissey was and still is Gay Elvis. Doesn't matter if he was asexual, his gorgeous masculinity was a dude magnet for gay men and women, straight men and women, bi men and women, and LGBTQ in between.

3. The tunes. Charts are all fine and good, but are the tunes on the charts classic? You bet your ass they were.

4. Brexit. There has to be some payback for England's government screwing that whole thing up. No better way than to reunite Morrissey and Johnny Marr onstage, where they can piss all over Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage, David Cameron, Tony Blair, Margaret Thatcher, et all, just like Marr did to Cameron in 2010.

The Smiths are eligible NOW. Do the right thing Yan Weiner and Co.: Nominate and induct them in 2017.
 

Kickin' Em Out: 1988

Sadly, The Drifters have to go.

The only criticism that can be made of the Class of 1988 is How The Hell Did It Take Two Years to Induct The Beatles and Bob Dylan. I get the early influence thing. I get the chronological thinking that says you have to put Chuck Berry, Elvis Presley and Little Richard in before you put in the guys who had their minds blown by them.

But the Hall is about the best. And there really aren't too many people on the planet who would argue that Dylan and The Beatles are the two greatest, revolutionary and, frankly, most important figures in rock history. How could they not be inductees Nos. 1 and 2, or at the very least in the first class?

Back to the 1988 crop. This one is really, really hard. Big props to the judges for finally getting it right and paring down the number of artists who got in.

But in our effort to clean up the Hall and make it more prestigious, we committed to kicking one artist out per year. My first target is The Supremes, because I suspect one Michael Jackson had some sway over the judges and nudged them to shove the group (which includes his obsession, Diana Ross) in as soon as possible. However, I can't do it. Instead, I'm going for The Drifters, who were a fine Motown group but no better than, say, Journey or Duran Duran in terms of hits in their respective genres. With "Save The Last Dance For Me," "There Goes My Baby" and "This Magic Moment," but I'm thinking the residual effect of the smasher flick "Stand By Me" in 1986 had more to do with this pick than anything. Plus who is even in this group? They had 30 lead singers, and so far 564 members by my count to date.

Maybe they get in someday, but for now The Drifters are out.

The Beach Boys
The Beatles
The Drifters
Bob Dylan
Berry Gordy Jr.
Woody Guthrie
Lead Belly
Les Paul
The Supremes

Kickin' Em Out: 1987

Sorry, Eddie. Sorry, Paul McCartney.

It kind of made sense that the Rock Hall's debut year would have a ton of inductees (16), since it was the first class and they'd want to get a ton of no-brainers in like Elvis Presley and Chuck Berry. So things would settle down in the second year, right? The judges would get more selective, committing to picking only the best of the rest to make the Hall a hallowed place.
Nope. In fact, the class of 1987 more than doubled the first year's group of enshrined. The judges even tried to get a two-for-one with the ace songwriting duo of Leiber and Stoller.

Therefore, we have to start chopping real performers along with some of the non-performers. And no longer is it a one-chop-per year rule. The highlight of this year's class is Eddie "Summertime Blues" Cochran. Yeah, he influenced a "look," but so did Geraldo. Yeah, he influenced Paul McCartney, John Lennon and the early Beatles, but so did pills and that weird German couple. Yeah, he was a guitar hero, but so is Joe Satriani. Yeah, he got The Who to make "Summertime Blues" a staple of their live set, but he got The Who to make "Summertime Blues" a staple of their live set.

23 inductees in the second year? No wonder the hit-obsessed judges are already scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Leonard Chess
The Coasters
Eddie Cochran
Bo Diddley
Ahmet Ertegun
Aretha Franklin
Marvin Gaye
Bill Haley
Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller
Louis Jordan
B.B. King
Clyde McPhatter
Ricky Nelson
Roy Orbison
Carl Perkins
Smokey Robinson
Big Joe Turner
T. Bone Walker
Muddy Waters
Jerry Wexler
Hank Williams
Jackie Wilson

Kickin' Em Out: 1986

Like most every other Hall of Fame, too many people are in the Rock Hall, and, like the basketball and football halls, people are in for no reason.

The more people you let in a hall, the less prestigious it is.

So we're kicking some people out. One per year, plus all the ridiculous throw-ins like DJs and sidemen.

In the first year of the Rock Hall, 1986, judges inducted a whopping 16 people. Out are Alan Freed (DJ), John Hammond (scout), and Jimmie Rodgers and Jimmy Yansey (early influences in the first year? Na). We'll leave Sam Phillips in, for obvious reasons.

That still leaves 12, which is way too many. Looking at this list, there's 11 who are mortal locks, and one who is fringe-y at best. That'd be the Everly Brothers. A handful of timeless classics and cool vocal harmonies don't get you in the Hall. At least not the first year, or even the first decade.

Chuck Berry
Alan Freed
James Brown
Elvis Presley
Jerry Lee Lewis
Jimmie Rodgers
The Everly Brothers
Fats Domino
Ray Charles
Sam Cooke
Little Richard
Jimmy Yansey 
Buddy Holly
Robert Johnson
Sam Phillips
John Hammond