Friday, February 3, 2012

CDNR readers: Don Henley should be in the Rock Hall

Congratulations to Donald Hugh "Don" Henley, who has been selected by YOU, the readers of Cleveland Does Not Rock, as the next solo artist who should be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

According to the poll, which appeared on this site for several months, 10 people said Henley should get in, 5 people said Sting should be next, and 4 people picked Phil Collins.

Now I don't know about you, but these figures seem to be just a little misleading and it might not represent the most scientific data ever gathered. That might be because only 19 people voted out of the thousands who likely stumbled onto this sacred plot of virtual space by accident.

However, there are a few deductions that can be made from this poll:

Sting: Gracious in defeat. Maybe a little too much so.
- It is believed that Henley is the least lame of the three. I can get behind that: He freaking sang "Hotel California" and "Boys of Summer." How badass is that? He's a drummer who sings. Double badass! He made the album "End of the Innocence," which features a duet with Axl Rose and ample amounts of Bruce Hornsby. Uh ...

- Readers believe that Henley is the better of the two drummer-singers in the poll, blasting Phil Collins out of the water. I'm not down with this. Collins is a better singer; Henley whines like his nuts are dragging on the ground like some old dog walking around a dusty little league baseball field. Collins is (was) ten times cooler, having been the drummer for the best prog band ever, Old Genesis (as opposed to New Genesis, which is pretty assy). Henley is zero percent cool.

- Sting sucks ass.

- This was a horrible poll question.

You might not like this, but DD must go in before Sting.
- People don't give a shit. This might be the most important deduction of all, because while it's sort of a total long shot that Henley and Collins will ever get in as solo artists, the danger is very real that Sting could get in soon. The voters are facing a tough stretch here as '80s bands are coming up. Will these lame f*cks ever vote in any of the amazing left-of-the-dial bands? (Replacements, The Pixies, Hüsker Dü, Minutemen, etc.) What's the verdict on New Wave stuff like Duran Duran? Will they realize that there are more than three rap acts in the history of music? If the answer is no to all of those, Sting enters the picture. Thankfully, the results of this poll show that no one gives a crap if he gets in or not, because any jerk who's into Sting and tripped their way onto this page would have seen the word "Sting" and done whatever they could to make sure their Gordie got critical acclaim.

- Henley rules, and of the two overwrought, cynical, super-smug, post-Eagles people-are-livin'-seedy-lives tracks, the readers of CDNR clearly prefer his "Dirty Laundry" to Glenn Frey's "Smuggler's Blues." You be the judge, and hold on to your horses for a "Dirty Laundry" vs. "Smuggler's Blues" post.

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